One of my best friends and I often jokingly lament about the sometimes arduous nature of “conscious life” – the ongoing self work, ego deaths, transformation, letting go, integrating, learning, and evolving.
This state of acknowledging the soul and it’s wants and thus being constantly worked into something more aligned with that divine aspect.
Lately it seems like I’ve been going through some kind of hectic initiation, like way more than usual. My Saturn’s not even returning yet (scheduled to start in December of this year thank you very much) and I already feel like I’m being pushed and pulled by some cosmic force to step into my fullness.
No more hiding away, no more deferring, just a constant stream of noticing things in my way and trying to address them and then focussing back on the things I’m “meant to be doing”. All the while getting to feel the highs and lows of it, the disillusionment and the ecstasy, the orgasmic bliss of everyday living!
From where I’m standing it looks like I’ve spent a long time deluding myself and disassociating. I’ve also spent some time avoiding my individual potential in favour of dramatic romantic entanglements. Now I’m alone and it’s terrifying. It gives me so much time to focus on my shit. I didn’t realise this was a thing I was doing until last year and it’s been WORK to address. This one runs DEEP.
So yeah it’s a trip this conscious life. It’s also amazing.
I’ve never felt so truly seen and loved because the people that love me now are getting my fully authentic self. My heart is more open than it’s ever been and my spirit reminds me of the perfection that exists inside me at every moment; it’s always accessible.
Sometimes as I walk near the creek in the morning, dog running off ahead in the distance, cool air licking my cheeks, I stop and stare teary-eyed and overwhelmed at a tree or the sky.
Yep, I’m a special human being… and so are you!
So with that I conclude my ode to this conscious life, the continual attempts at illuminating the dark parts of us to help brighten the world. I want to acknowledge you if you are also on this journey, because fuck it can be a tough one sometimes.
My loves, I salute you.
Photo by Adrian Carmody